“It’s not the critic who counts… The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood…” I first heard this quote from Theodore Roosevelt on a bus full of anxious runners traveling to a state cross country meet. A fellow coach used it to remind our team of the importance of striving for greatness even if you might fall short.

Such an important message, especially for teens, for all of us, in a world that is increasingly critical and intolerant of failure.

This quote appears at the beginning of Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Brown, a professor of social work at the University of Houston, has spent lots of time studying shame, vulnerability, and courage, and she sums up some of her life changing realizations in Daring Greatly.

What I liked

I could relate to Browns tendency toward perfectionism and her fears about taking risk and being vulnerable. Her words and research reminded me of the importance of taking risks to become, as she calls it, a “whole hearted” person- someone in touch with- but not overwhelmed by- her feelings.

Brown argues that perfectionism crushes creativity. Some things in the world require perfectionism – computer coding and the design of airplanes, for example- but not everything fits into a perfect box. Creativity and art allow space for the things that don’t make sense and make us human. Brown also suggests that perfectionism is a hiding mechanism – a way to avoid risk. We need to get more comfortable with “good enough”, because perfectionism is the enemy of done.

Brown writes a lot about the need for self-compassion. To be healthy functioning adults, we need to accurately observe our feelings without over identifying or exaggerating them. We also need to speak to ourselves kindly.

Finally, Brown has some great thoughts on parenthood, including a parenting manifesto necessary in a culture that uses acquisitions and accomplishments to define worth. She asserts that who we are and how we interact with the world have more influence over our children than what we know about parenting. She also points out that HOPE is a function of STRUGGLE, and it is therefore important to allow ourselves, and our children, to struggle.

I now think rescuing and intervening are dangerous, and I think twice before I let my discomfort dictate my behaviors.

Brene Brown, Daring Greatly

What I didn’t like

Although Brown frequently shares personal stories and practical application of her ideas, sometimes the book is repetitive and lost my attention.

Word Nerd notes

I listened to the audiobook of Daring Greatly, which Brown reads herself. Again, a few times I got distracted or lost interest while listening. However, I think Brown’s ideas are important enough that I have bought a printed version of the book so I can revisit the points I think need emphasis in my life and skim over what doesn’t. I can’t wait to read The Gifts of Imperfection, another book by Brown. I need to embrace imperfection!

Brown has been on several podcasts. I enjoyed her interview with Oprah Winfrey on Super Soul Conversations. You might want to listen to that podcast or watch this video of her interview with Oprah to get a feel for her take on vulnerability and daring greatly.

Have you heard of Brene Brown and are you familiar with her other books?

Thanks for getting nerdy with me!