I have a confession to make: part of me dreads Christmas. I hear the opening lines of “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”, and I think, No, it’s not. For me, the mother of four, Christmas means work. Thinking of presents, buying the presents, hiding the presents, wrapping the presents. And that’s just for the kids. What about friends, extended family, coworkers and teachers? It’s overwhelming. Especially when you’re a person who doesn’t like stuff or shopping.
I hate the fact that inflatable snow men start popping up around Halloween, and the local pop station plays nothing but the same 30 holiday songs from the day after Thanksgiving until December 26th. I hate that the focus has shifted from the gift of a savior and peace on earth to Black Friday deals and endless consumption.
And then there’s the memory of moving my mother into a nursing home on a December day 23 years ago and of her death a few weeks later. “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” makes me cry because back then it was the only thing that made her laugh, and I will always listen to “Oh Holy Night”, Mom’s favorite Christmas carol, with tears streaming down my cheeks.
So when husband asked if we wanted to put up Christmas decorations on the Sunday after Thanksgiving, I said no. I wasn’t there, mentally, physically or spiritually.
But shortly thereafter, I listened to episode 196 of the “Happier” podcast, one of my favorites. Host Gretchen Rubin suggested that listeners choose a holiday motto by picking word or phrase to guide their experience of the holiday season and focus their attention on what is important. One of her listeners chose “Comfort and joy”, and will center her holiday activities and gifts on this theme. Rubin chose “ ’tis the season to be jolly”, because, as a somewhat “Type A” personality, Rubin often gets irritable and snappish, especially when busy. Her sister Elizabeth Craft chose “all is calm, all is bright” to remind her that everything is good and to just go with the flow over the holidays.
I loved this idea. As soon as I heard it, I felt relieved. If I can frame my experience of the holidays with a motto, I can participate meaningfully in the season and not just react to it. And if my motto is from a song, so much the better. Words set to music are easier for me to remember and pull up for inspiration.
I chose my motto from a lesser known Christmas song, one a talented young lady sings almost every year at our church. “Be Born in Me”, by Francesca Battistelli, describes Mary’s reaction upon learning she is to bear God’s son. The opening lines of the song, “Everything inside me cries for order/ everything inside me wants to hide” cut to my soul. I relate too well to the doubt and inadequacy expressed in the lyrics of this song. Mary pleads, “Somehow help me see with heaven’s eyes” and finally, in the chorus, “Be born in me.” She’s asking for God to fill her, not just with the physical presence of the baby Jesus, but with all consuming faith.
My holiday motto, “Be born in me”, reminds me to clear my heart of worry and stress so that it can be filled with faith. I, too, want to see with heaven’s eyes.
Now I pass on Rubin’s suggestion to you. Whether you love everything Christmas, right down to the Elf on the Shelf, or the holidays bring stress and sadness, choose a holiday motto to frame your experience of the season. It can be gratitude or service, fun or family, “Let it snow” or “Goodwill to men.”
However you celebrate, and whatever you celebrate, I wish you, and this world, peace.
How do you plan to experience the holidays this year?
Thanks for getting thoughtful with me,
Julia, I was moved to tears by this post – and by that song, which I’d never heard of.
I celebrated Christmas until I was 35 and well know the seasonal stress of which you speak. It’s been almost 30 years now without it and I am relieved every year. Relieved that I don’t have to participate, and relieved when the month is finally over and it’s not everywher in my face.
That makes it sound like I begrudge people their Christmas – and that is not the case at all. Each is entitled to her own choice. (Although perhaps many would not choose, except for the societal expectations.)
Most of the stress I feel this month is because of the short days and lack of sun. And I really do abhor winter so the sight of snow is discouraging. I can use a motto, too, to get me through until January and I think I’ll use ‘the light will come’.
Thanks so much for sharing this idea!
Debbie, Good for you to choose your own way! I am a Christian and like to hold on to certain parts of the holiday, but perhaps I can let go of some of the other things that cause so much stress! I also dislike the short days and darkness. I’ve figured out that’s one thing I like about the holiday – all of the lights! They brighten up a dreary time. I love your motto, “the light will come” and hope it helps get you through this year. 😉
Can TOTALLY relate to the Christmas angst.
Beautiful motto. I love it. I listened to that episode and still need to pick mine…
Ok, great. Tell me what it is when you do. 😉
I’m so glad you’ve found this motto, Julia, and I hope it guides you through the holiday season more grounded and serene.
I must say that I used to be jealous of Christians during December – Christmas is just such a much bigger deal than Hanukkah. But now I am grateful for the fact that I can just enjoy the season (the goodwill and the joy, even if not the religious aspect) without the pressure that Christmas brings for so many.
Hmmm…I think I feel a blog post coming about this. You’ve inspired me to write – which is tough to do these days! Thanks, my friend.:)
You are very welcome, Dana. I love your writing and am happy to encourage you, any time! Looking forward to your post, and Happy Hanukkah!