This is the February installment of the Who I Am Project, which prompted participants to describe people who we love and who love us. For more on the Who I Am Project, visit Dana at Kissmylist.com.
In my marriage, two roles play out. One of us is confident, logical, unflappable. The other is creative, sensitive, and most definitely flappable.
Guess which one I am?
In the past 26 years I’ve known my husband, I’ve seen him lose it on exactly three occasions.
- The wallpaper incident. It was the “BC” era (before children) of marriage, the med school years. We were living in and renovating an older townhouse in Richmond. Once, when we were hanging wallpaper in the front room of the townhouse, all of the cutting, soaking, folding, and hanging sent him over the edge. Maybe it was the glue.
- The first night home with the first-born. Hubby took over baby duty that night so I could get a much-needed nap. Sometime around 2:30 am, he appeared bedside, holding out a screaming bundle of flailing limbs. “I can’t do this anymore.” Literally.
- The devastating news. When husband got word that a beloved partner and mentor in his medical practice had been diagnosed with cancer, he had to leave the room, requesting time to himself.
On the flip side, Mr. Wonderful has seen me seriously lose it at least three times EVERY YEAR. During med school, my breakdowns usually came the night before his big exams. (Sorry honey!)
A Meghan Trainor lyric comes to mind…
You’ve gotta know how to treat me like a lady, even when I’m acting crazy, tell me everything’s all right.
God has given me many blessings in this life, but my husband is truly His greatest gift. Mr. Wonderful doesn’t give me flowers (any more), nor does he buy fancy gifts. But he did sit through all the Twilight movies with me, and he has a knack for diffusing tense situations with his wit. His greatest “love language” is his ability to share words of affirmation and support.
- When I, the English major, decided to quit teaching and pursue PT school, even though my job was our only source of income during his medical training, he supported me.
- When I, the English major, had to take five science and math classes to apply to PT school, he demonstrated outstanding patience and ability to tutor, especially when I crammed a year’s worth of physics into a nine week summer course. We endured well over the annual quota of breakdowns during that challenge.
- When I spent my mother’s last night on this earth next to her bed, holding her hand, he sat beside me and rubbed my back. All night.
- When I shared that I wanted to write a book and start a blog, he totally backed me up, even though he hates writing.
Spending this many years under Mr. Wonderful’s calm influence has made me into a better person. I’m less reactive. I pause and try to communicate instead of immediately switching to “freak out status”. Of course, sleep deprivation and the behavior of children still hold sway…
I’d like to think I’ve rubbed off on him a bit. Maybe, under my influence, he’s more sensitive and introspective. But, that’s his story to tell, not mine. 😉
How has a relationship in your life made you a better person?
Thanks for stopping by!
Wow, what a wonderful tribute to your husband. I don’t think anyone can blame him for those three times he ‘lost it’. And I let out and audible “Aw” about him rubbing your back all night. I just hope I can write so sweetly about my husband in another 11 years.
I hope so too, Leslie! Thanks for stopping by. 😉
So wonderful that you balance each other out. I’m glad you’ve found a partner in life who is so supportive and loving, and who elicits those feelings in return. It sounds as though you know you’re both in precisely the right relationship with the right person, and I hope it continues to grow deeper and stronger and more wonderful all the time. In spite of the meltdowns (and possibly because of some of them) 🙂
A beautiful partnership based on love and support, each of you making the other a better version of themselves. That sounds like a pretty great foundation upon which to build a happy and healthy marriage.
Loved your story! I have always said, ” a couple that can wallpaper together, stays together” It was a trying time in our marriage too, many years ago. More than a few home improvement projects and 51 years later we are still together. Guess we will stay together.
I am truly smiling as my husband is more the cool and level-headed one here, as well. I am usually the one it if one of us is indeed going to lose our cool. I have lost count how many times, but still like you I am thankful for my Mr. Wonderful and also hope I have rubbed off with my sensitive ways, especially that we have two daughters, who are going to need not only his calm and rational thinking, but sensitive ways, too during the teens years if none the less 😉
I love this. So interesting. So beautiful. And so many interesting tidbits about YOU! English major, PT, back to writing…!
Thanks Amy. I really liked your “love story” too. Chocolate cake = way to man’s heart. 😉
Oh, how I could relate to this! I definitely feel that my husband and I really complement each other well. He definitely makes me a better person in many ways — like you, I’m definitely the more flappable of the two and I can probably count on one hand how many times I have seen him get truly upset (and even though, he’s unbelievably calm!). I’d say that I make him a better person as well. This has made me wonder if part of being in love with someone is their ability to bring out the best in you and help you to become the best version of yourself?
I definitely think a healthy loving relationship develops the best in both partners. Great summary of love, Bev.
LOL, I’d love to have seen Mr. Unflappable try on the baby’s first night home. That’s hilarious. My husband seemed to unflappable to the baby crying but I bet he set a record for putting a swing together and running to the store to getting batteries.
Both of us are the calm sort but my hair rises much more often than his does.
Ah, the baby swing. Another tool in the sanity basket for new parents. Glad you’re both calm. I wouldn’t know what that looks like! 😉
Oh, Julia – I love this! I can relate in a few ways – I’m easily thrown for a loop, and my husband is a calming influence. This piece is a glimpse into both of your personalities, as well as the chemistry between the two of you that’s made for a successful marriage.
I would guess be unflappable is a great trait to have as a doctor, and it sounds like it’s a great trait for the man who is your partner.
I’ve stripped my share of wallpaper…it would send anyone over the edge!
It is a great characteristic for a doctor. I didn’t mention it in the piece, but Hubby is also a fantastic listener – another good trait for doctor and husband! Thanks for the inspiration!